“If I abandoned you, I would be released from this pain. I would live on. But before long, I would end up seeking you again, for all my actions are ultimately devoted to you and only you. All I want is to stay on target and walk straight ahead—ignoring the losses and opposition, and even the results. That’s all I can do. Some people might call it an obsession, others may deem it a miracle—but to me and many others, my driving rationale couldn’t be more obvious and natural. There are people who understand this and there are people who don’t, and I simply happen to belong to the first group. The only difference is whether they have noticed that they don’t need boxes to make their wishes come true, and what it means to fulfill a wish. My commitment to find you comes with great suffering. Not once have I thought it’s easy. For your sake, I laughed, cried, and yelled. Because of you, I destroyed my heart, my body, and the world. Still, I’m only really alive when I’m touching the fragment of you that I carry within me. Even if I don’t reach you in the end… Even if I know the horrible outcome that awaits me… I will keep searching for you, who dwells inside Maria. I’m going to vanish. Maybe I’m getting my just deserts for being too greedy with my wish. To be honest, part of me regrets that we met, but if I were to choose between a life in which we met and a life in which we didn’t, I would always pick the former. Always. I’m sure of that, even though I may be hesitating over, wavering about, and regretting my choices all the time. I will not have accomplished anything by the time I vanish, and I’m certainly not mature enough to say that I can accept that. Even now, I’m still dreaming— …that my efforts might be rewarded with some kind of happy ending.”
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